Trying to be strong and mature about things kinda sucks when things aren’t working out for you but the people who hurt you are completely and utterly happy. I’m the happiest, most independent and the most myself I’ve ever been and I’m not even mad about what happened what feels like ages ago because I conciously chose to not hold a grudge or be upset about it, but of course tonight I lay awake with this stupid fucking gut wrenching pain of how worthless I must be to someone who used to think the world of me and that just really sucks. It sucks to think that regardless of how happy I am it is partially because I made this barrier where I make myself not focus on the things that would rip me apart inside, but you can never erase any memory or feeling completely, so at some point or another you’re going to think about it and it’s going to rip you to shreds the same way it did the first time you heard it, and if not even worse because now you’re living within the consequences of it all. I don’t want to have to conciously make myself too busy to think about certain things to be happy. I just want to forget or not care but obviously that’s only happening for everyone but me. Yay for sucking.